Tuesday, 19 May 2015

Crowdcube must be going through a rough patch. Some of the pitches on their platform currently are just too ridiculous.

Take Sir Hans Sloane Chocolate. They want you to believe that their company is worth over £2m - today ...... right now. Trading since 2010, the company has never made a profit and all its directors bar one recent appointment have left. The pitch goes on to claim to be stocked in over 500 supermarkets in the UK. So why is not making any money? The Crowd are clearly better informed than the directors as they have voted with their feet and this pitch will fail. Mind you 50 idiots have pitched in to the turn of £13k so there are still plenty of mugs out there.

Another great example is FightMe - valued today at just a tad over £4m. The pitch uses the cricketer's slip catching technique of firing big names at you. Only problem is when you check them out they are highly dubious. Empty PO boxes in the US really are not enough to con the UK public and only 13 mugs have signed up to this one for a draw dropping total of £480.

Even the massive stardom of Kelly Hoppen seems to be wearing thin on Crowdcube. Her business is at least up and running and making waves. However styles change and we have the feeling hers might just be on the wane - her pitch is struggling to raise the £1.1m she is looking for...............valuing her business at just over £10m. Maybe that's the problem.

Its the valuations stupid. Ever increasingly optimistic valuations based on purely fictional future sales will hopefully see the end of this appalling waste of taxpayers money. You would think that Crowdcube would know this but then it is run by two advertising bods who really havent a clue about establishing a proper business.


  1. Mike Gallagher28 May 2015 at 01:38

    Could not have said this better myself. Crowdcube is losing all credibility. How can they not put a stop to the silly valuations. Kelly Hoppens is the biggest joke of all. She hasn't even mentioned it on social media. I think even she is embarrassed.

    Can you imagine if these people pitched to experienced angel investors? They'd be shot the whole lot of em.

  2. The really shocking thing is just how many people (idiots) are 'investing'. Crowdcube have incited the mob and god help them when it all goes tits up.

  3. You should go to one of their investor events. You'd both have a lot of fun.

  4. They wouldnt let me in! I have been banned from their site on more than 40 occasions and just rejoin under another name. On 5 occasions they have barred my internet address but as you know there are ways around that. It has always struck me as pathetic that any criticism of them or a pitch has resulted in banning - how transparent is that?

  5. I think this is even more shocking and telling than the actual valuation and your criticism of those valuations.

  6. What struck me about those people at CC is that they are very young. I can't see how those people could possibly have enough business experience of the cycle of start-ups from seed to succesful company (or not). I suppose you would say they (at CC) only care about getting punter to overfund pitchs and I think you are right.

    1. Luke and Darren are advertising geeks who came upon this idea. Hence the PR. Neither has any experience in start ups or early stage growth. Considering what a con it is they have done very well....for now. However the Crowdcube plans for the various raises they have done of their own, show a far greater number of pitch completions and faster growth in 'investors'. Of the 100,000 they claim to have, I wonder how many are active - I know several who have given up and I make up at least 40 of them!